This past week I was having a conversation with my girlfriends and the topic of successful black women and dating came up. The question that was on the table as a result of our conversation was “Will our future husbands be OK if we made more money than them?” Sure, most men say they are fine with it we you first ask the question. Men say more money means more money for the household.

Does me making more money really translate into a positive when we get married? How does that play out practically once we get married? Are you secure in your manhood when I am getting raises

This past week I was having a conversation with my girlfriends and the topic of successful black women and dating came up. The question that was on the table as a result of our conversation was “Will our future husbands be OK if we made more money than them?” Sure, most men say they are fine with it we you first ask the question. Men say more money means more money for the household.

Does me making more money really translate into a positive when we get married? How does that play out practically once we get married? Are you secure in your manhood when I am getting raises and bonuses and you may not be. Is my money still my money and your money is your money when we get married? Or is it all going into one pot for us to live the life style we want to live?

The conversation with my girlfriends reminded me of an article I had read a couple of months ago in Essence magazine. The title of the article – “We Asked Black Women Who Earn More Than Their Partners to Reveal What Has and Hasn’t Worked For Them” by Kimberly Wilson. In the article she states –

“Women, especially Black women, are at the top of our game right now. And as our numbers increase in the boardroom, as entrepreneurs, and even in the classroom, another role for women that seems to be a growing trend is the rise of female breadwinners. We are the largest group participating in the workforce. And while we are making more than ever, and leading households, another dynamic of the black family continues to change: the relationship that black women have with our partners. Done are the days where the man “brings home the bacon” and leads the household, because he is the dominating breadwinner.” In the article she goes on to explore how a few women who earn more than their spouse make it work in their relationships.

I personally don’t agree that done are the days where men are “bringing home the bacon”. I know there are men out there still bringing home the bacon and supporting their families. Even in the same home she may be bringing home just as much or more money and that is OK. A real man paired with a real woman knows they are not in completion with each other. He is secure in his manhood and understand who he is and takes responsibility for his wife and family. They understand the dynamics of women getting more pay in some instance for the same job they are performing. In spite of that they support each other’s success because they understand they are working together on a common mission. It is important they understand what that mission is.

I am confident that I can make more money than him but still be able to never let him feel like we are in completion. I will always be his biggest cheerleader and supporter. The king I grab a hold of will be self-assured and confident in who is and will have a vision. That vision will include me his queen. He will not even be concerned if I make more money than him because he will be more focused on all my other qualities love, support, kindness, intellect, communication, temperament, problem solving skills, etc. The money for either of us could be gone tomorrow but the characteristics I possess will stand against the storms of life and we will stay focused on our mission and rise victorious. I can go back to a one bedroom apartment as long as it is me and my king against the world. So I already know the answer to my question…..No, it won’t matter to my man if I make more money.

The Wife Coach.