You would thing communication is a simple thing. Two human beings expressing themselves with words. It is basic to the human race. But talking is not the same as communicating. Communication is a complicated thing. It is even more complicated when it is between a man and a woman because of their innate differences. A lot of the time we don’t talk to each other but over each other. We talk about what the other person did wrong but really that may not be the real issue. As human, our selfish tendencies have us focusing on ourselves rather than listening to what the other person is saying. By the way, have you heard that hearing is not the same as listening?
Communication is speaking, listening, understanding and responding properly. With there being so many different aspect of communication it is no wonder that it can get complicated. Good communication, clear communication is when two people know what to say, when to say, and how to say it. Talking a lot and being in love with one another does not automatically mean you are communication effectively. Absence of conflict doesn’t mean you have effective communication in your relationship either.
Norman Wright, in his book “Communication – Key to Your Marriage”, says there are six different messages being given when you are communicating. Thus the increase for problems. “First, you have something you want to get a cross. Second, is what you actually say. Third, is what your spouse actually hears while filtering and processing the information. Fourth, is what they think they hear. Fifth is what message they say about what you said. Lastly, is what you think about what your partner said about what you said.” At this point, we are just shaking our heads because it sounds discouraging.
If you want to have effective communication you must be determined to work at it and be committed to practicing it. It requires you being humble enough to look in the mirror and admitting that you need more work when comes to communicating with the opposite sex. Improvement will take time. Take a look in the mirror to uncover what areas need improvement. Maybe you issues being vulnerable and therefore you have a hard time talking about your feelings. Maybe you are prideful and have a hard time expressing or feeling remorse when hurting your partner. During times of conflict are you able to keep your tone calm, kind and gentle?
In a marriage, both the man and the woman bring their own dictionary to the marriage. You must clarify the words being expressed to each other or you risk being misunderstood. Messages can easily be misinterpreted, depending how the words are used or not used. Or incorrectly received by your partner. Spoken and written words can both be misinterpreted.
Dwight Small said, “The heart of marriage is its communication system. But no couple begins marriage with a highly developed communication. It is not something they bring into the marriage ready, but something to be continually cultivated through all the experiences of their shared life.” A wonderful marriage develops when a husband and wife learn to communicate with openness and understanding. Be encourage it can be done. Be committed to working on effective communication in order to have a successful marriage.
The Wife Coach.
