One of the common mistakes that women make in relationships is that they don’t understand men. Women who understand how men work and appreciate them for their masculine gifts are much more successful in relationships. Likewise, women who are jaded, frustrated or have been burned too many times tend to sabotage their relationships. The unique characteristics of a man should be affirmed and celebrated.

The distinction between male and female is very real and very deeply rooted in human nature. The fact is we are just wired differently. Here are 7 truths about some of the differences between men and women:

• A man has a different outlook on life. His orientation toward life tends to be outward. Because her orientation is inward, toward relationships, nurturing, and “nesting,” the female of the species puts a premium on safety and security. To a far greater extent than the male, she values qualities like “dependability” and “trustworthiness” in a potential mate.
• Men talk to communicate information or ideas. Women talk to communicate feelings and thoughts. As a result, women tend to use more words than men.
• Men are competitive and dominant. A woman wants to be a man’s equal, at a very deep and fundamental level she has a strong desire to be led, protected and cared for.
• The male is a doer. His feelings about what he’s doing or his reasons for doing it are less important to him than the urge and the opportunity to get it done. Women values intimacy above action. A woman cares more about being than doing, and she finds the reason for her being in a relationship.
• Men are initiators. They possess a certain willingness and ability to “take the bull by the horns” and make things happen. It also suggests that leadership, while not necessarily an exclusively male characteristic, is nevertheless more deeply rooted in the nature of men and boys.
• Men are risk takers. They want to seize and make the most of their opportunities.
• Men need to know what’s next. Unlike a woman, he isn’t inclined to “cuddle,” to “savor” meaningful experiences, or to “linger” in the moment. Generally speaking, he’s anxious to move on to the next thing

The fact is, women are far more complex and men are fairly simple creatures who actually are pre-wired to want to serve you — if you know how to inspire them. Bottom line, most of my clients’ success comes when I teach them specifically how to understand and appreciate men so they can bring out the best in their men, rather than suffer through their worst. I can teach you how to inspire your man. Go to my homepage and sign-up for your free Wife Mastery Call today and download your FREE “Guide to Finding, Attracting and Keeping Your Husband”.

The Wife Coach

I watched a powerful video this week by Lisa Nichols on Goalcast. One of the things she shared was that “you determine how other’s will love you”. It stuck with me. No matter whether you are single or married, as women we set the standard for how we are going to be loved by others. You choose how you get to be treated.

Are you in a relationship with a man who is not fully committed? Do you allow your husband to speak to you any ole way …..to be verbally abusive? Does he make you a priority? Do you allow him to pick you up 2 hours late for your date? Are you going to settle for being his side chick? Don’t give in and say yes when you want to say no. Now that you are married, does he still open the car door for you? Now that he is your husband have the date nights stopped?

Most of the time it is not the big decisions but the little decisions and exceptions we make that take us away from the love we deserve. It is the small decisions and exceptions we make to lower our bar little by little. Then one day we look up and say to ourselves “How did I end up in this relationship?” We are unhappy and miserable.

You are the first example of what loving you looks like. You must fall madly in love with yourself first. You must speak words of love and encouragement to yourself. I can’t say it enough….stop the negative self-talk. You must pamper yourself before a man even walks into your life. Date yourself, get to know you first. Going out to dinner and the movies by yourself and enjoy your time alone. Learn to be happy by yourself. Do you buy yourself flowers?

Love yourself by giving yourself the proper self-care. Don’t overwork yourself and spread yourself to thin. Don’t put everyone else in front of you. Get the proper rest. Exercise and eat healthy. Have a beauty regimen. Love yourself by investing in your self-care. Fall madly in love with you boo!
My dear, you deserve healthy love! You deserve to be honored and cherished. You deserve to be a priority in his life. You deserve to be treated like the queen you are!

Be careful not to lower the bar ……set your standards and hold to them. You determine how others will love you!

If you need help preparing for the greatest role you will ever have….being a wife OR if you are already a wife and you want to go to the next level and be an AMAZING wife, visit my website and sign-up for a free consultation today @ www.thewifeuniversity.com

The Wife Coach

Last week we spoke of the importance of cultivating confidence but it is hard to do that if you are struggling with depression. Depression can be triggered by many things. Loneliness, breaking up with a boyfriend, struggles in your marriage and divorce are all reasons we as women struggle with depression.

I struggled with depression for a many years after my marriage ended. I was disappointed in him and disappointed in myself. I was frustrated because I felt like he didn’t want to fight to make it work. No one goes into marriage planning for it to fail. The guilt of being depressed also weighed heavy on me. I was a Christian and knew that I was blessed in spite of the failed marriage but was still depressed. I began to get sick of myself always being depressed.  So I became determined to overcome my struggle with depression. If you are struggling too I want to give up some simple ways to overcome depression:

1. Practice Mindfulness

A depressed mind tends to mull over all that is wrong and worries unnecessarily about all the negative possibilities that may emerge in the future. This negative thought cycle reinforces misery and is not helpful in managing to overcome depression. Mindfulness involves focusing on the present moment and is a skill that needs to be practiced.

2. Listen to Upbeat Music

I have always thought of music as food for the soul. An upbeat tune can change an atmosphere instantly and create a more positive vibe. Listening to upbeat, happy music alters brain chemistry and can improve your mood.

3. Stop the Negative Self Talk

Depressed people tend to see the world in a negative way. When things go wrong they blame themselves and when they go right, they put it down to luck. Depression reinforces self-doubt and feelings of worthlessness. Monitor your inner negative talk and make allowances for this type of thinking by reminding yourself that your thinking is that of a depressed person, not a healthy functioning person. Don’t take your thoughts seriously when you are feeling low. Acknowledge the thoughts but this doesn’t mean you have to believe them. Keep perspective.

4. Distract Yourself – By doing things that make you happy

If possible, do your best to distract yourself from over thinking. Your thoughts are your enemy when depression sets in. Watch a funny movie, Take your dog to the dog park or go for a bike ride. Read a good book if you are able to concentrate or finish a puzzle. Do anything that takes your mind off your fears and worries. Keeping busy is an effective way to overcome depression.

5. Write in a Journal

A journal can work in two ways. Use it to write down fears and worries. Sometimes, having an outlet in this way can be soothing and ease your mind. Another good way to use a journal (I prefer this way) is to write at least five things down every day that you are grateful for. This forces us to think more positively and can help to remind us that things are never that bad. In a gratitude journal, you can write about anything that happened in the day that made you feel appreciative. A stranger smiling at you, the sun shining..anything positive will do!

6. Connect with Family and Friends

This can be one of the hardest things to do when feeling depressed but it is one of the most rewarding activities. Force yourself to go out. Isolating oneself from others may seem a good idea but put a limit on it and then get out there again. This can have a huge positive effect on your mood.

7. Exercise

Regular exercise has benefits for helping to overcome depression. Exercise releases endorphins which improve natural immunity and improve mood. Besides lifting your mood, regular exercise offers other health benefits, such as lowering blood pressure, protecting against heart disease, cancer and boosting self-esteem. Experts advise getting half an hour to an hour of moderate exercise, such as brisk walking at least three to four times per week.

If need more help, I am here. Let’s work together to overcome your challenges and achieve your goal of becoming an amazing wife!

Peace, Love, and Blessings,

The Wife Coach

Trying to pinpoint why men find women attractive over other when can be hard. When I ask men what they find attractive in a woman, it often is a combination of traits and can vary from man to man. But one trait most men always mention when describing what they are attracted to is the confident woman. He is attracted to someone who is emotionally healthy. Needy women are a big turn off. If you are looking to be more attractive to the opposite sex and have them be drawn to you then confidence is a trait you will want to cultivate. Here are 5 reasons why men like confident women:

Confident women are radiant.

Confident women are attractive. They smile because they are happy. They possess a positive energy that draws people to them. She is irresistible because of her attitude. If she believes in herself, she can turn any situation into an opportunity to shine. But if she doubts herself, she’ll be lackluster in even the best of circumstances. Confidence is contagious; a self-assured woman will make those around her feel more confident about themselves, too.

Confident women are living life to the fullest.

Unafraid of living life big, these women embrace life fully and freely while pursuing their dreams. With clearly defined goals in life, these women know what they want and are actively pursuing making those goals a reality. Instead of waiting around for their dreams to magically come true, confident women are disciplined enough to focus on their goal, dedicated enough to develop a plan to achieve that goal, and aren’t afraid of putting in long hours and tireless work to make it happen.

Confident women are secure.

They know exactly who they are. They’ve learned to be comfortable in their own skin. They own their weaknesses and are willing to work on them, but also acknowledge their strengths and are proud of them. Being secure in who they are allows women to be confident not only in who they are but in their relationships. They don’t play the jealousy game, wasting time and energy over the imagined competition. These women are also not bottomless pits of neediness constantly looking for reassurance they are loved.

Confident women are approachable and engaging.

Because they know who they are and what they think, confident women aren’t afraid to look a man in the eye and smile back at them. They don’t hide behind their girlfriend when there out and avoid engaging in conversation with the opposite sex. Men want interesting and engaging conversations where different viewpoints are discussed not just agreeing with everything he says. Instead of leaving their men trying to guess what they want, confident women articulate their wants and needs in the relationship. Taking this approach allows men to relax and be in the moment, knowing a confident woman will respectfully tell him her preferences. Take note, though: this doesn’t mean bossy or overly opinionated.

Confident women are living a full life.

Instead of waiting around for their “Prince Charming” to come along so their life can really begin, confident women live a full life. With a busy social calendar and a variety of interests and hobbies, these women won’t be caught clinging to their man, begging for his attention 24/7. Confident women are out doing things, seeing people, and enjoying the life they’ve built for themselves.

If you want to get married and be an amazing wife but need help working on the traits that will make you more attractive, sign- up for your free wife mastery call on my homepage. I can help you figure out what areas you need improvement in.

The Wife Coach

After God had created everything, He looked down on earth and felt like something was missing. He had created man but He knew it wasn’t good to be alone. God decided the world needed us –women. He knew the world couldn’t make it without us. He wants the world to experience your gifts, talents, and uniqueness. You are god’s gift to the world. He had saved the best of His creation for last. We are the completion of God’s creation.

God made us different from man. He made man from the dust and molded him. But the woman was built.  He took His time with her making her different from any other creature. She was gorgeous! Our bodies are fashioned to sustain the very life that we bring forth. He gave us special intuition, the power to influence, and the emotional capacity to give and receive love like no other creation. He gave the man a gift, His best creation, woman!

The woman completes the man like nothing else in creation can. A relationship exists between husband and wife that is not found anywhere else. There is spiritual bond created between husband and wife through sexual relations. The woman was taken from the rib of man. You are the hidden beam that supports and protects the vulnerable part of him that no one else sees.  You know what his strengths and weaknesses are. You are the hidden support of his life. Without you, the building would fall and his life would collapse. The rib also symbolizes emotional support. He gets inner strength and emotional strength from you.

Being the hidden support for your husband is a sacred trust. The rib covers his heart. The personal thoughts and visions of your man are not for public knowledge. He entrusts them to you. He needs to know he can trust you with his heart. As his rib, you stand at his side – to love him, support him, work with him, counsel him, and honor him as your protector and provider. Cherish him as your friend and lover.

Woman you were uniquely made with a purpose, for it was not good for man to be alone. Two are better than one. He is definitely better with you at his side executing dominion over the world. Rise up and be his queen – wielding your power and influence. The world needs you. He needs you!

Invest in your future and invest in your marriage. Professional basketball players invest in their success and their future. They have a trainer. If you are serious about becoming an amazing wife and becoming all that your man needs, you will get the training you need to take you to the next level. I am here to train you and be your Wife Coach.

Kimberly

As single women, we get anxious when the years start to go by and we feel like we are always the bridesmaid and never the bride. We have conveniently made out your list: Go to college, get a good job, advance in our my career, get married, buy a house and have kids. For many of us, things don’t happen in that order and we are still waiting to get married. Our biological clock is ticking and still no man. We get frustrated. Dating, being in a serious relationship and then it not working out. Thinking that every next guy will be “the one”. We go from our 20s to our 30s, to our 40s and still no husband. Or for some of us, we have found the one only to find out he wasn’t the one and we are now a divorcee.

As the time keeps passing, it becomes tempting to rethink what we desire in a mate and lower our standards just to have a man. Yes, the struggle is real. The lonely nights, being tired of being the third wheel when everyone else is coupled up, going out to dinner and the movies alone, missing the connection of someone who knows you intimately. I know, I have experienced it all.

But I want to encourage you not to settle but to wait. Wait. Wait with expectation and hope, knowing that God will deliver the desires of your heart. Walk in faith because you know that same God who loves you so much to sacrifice His ONLY son for you, also wants only the best for you in a mate.

What do you do while you are waiting? Become the best you. Focus on healing from your past hurts. Work on any negative attitudes. Work on removing whatever baggage you are carrying. Learn to be content and happy alone. Learn to love yourself. Be thankful. Be active, so don’t have time to have a pity party. Start serving other while you are waiting. Volunteer. As a wife you will need to know how to minister to your husband, so starting practicing ministry now. Your life will be so enriched.

Become a wife even before you are married. The word says “He who finds a wife finds a good thing.” Not he who finds a girlfriend. When he finds you, you will be already walking and acting as a wife. Find out what it truly means to be a wife and become it. Become the Queen for your King is looking for.

The Wife Coach

Last week I talked about “When to say NO”. I shared that we cannot be afraid or feel guilty for saying no. There are times as women we are going to have to say no to the opposite sex. After writing last week’s blog and sharing some of it with you on Facebook Live! , I began to ask myself the question why do we NOT say no? Many of the scenarios seemed kind of a matter of fact in that we as women already know we should say no….. so why aren’t we saying no.

I believe it all starts with not knowing our value. We accept less than we should and do not set boundaries because we don’t know our value. We don’t believe we deserve better. We are so desperate to have a man we accept any kind of man. We accept what we know is not good for us because we don’t believe we can have better and so we settle for a crumb when the whole muffin is what we deserve and can have. Sometimes we have to be willing to wait for it!

I know in the past I doubted myself and my worth. I was so desperate for love and a relationship that I would go out on dates even if I knew the guy wasn’t really what I was looking for. I was just so happy he kept asking me out on a date. I just wanted companionship even if I really wasn’t that into him.

Once my marriage failed. I was afraid no one would want me. I felt like used goods. One guy who seemed interested in me told me frankly “I don’t want to date anyone one who has already been married.” I respected what he said on one hand but on the other hand I was crushed. I began to think all men thought that way. Not only had I been married, I had a child. Not just a child but a male child. That voice in my head said who is going to want to marry you when you have already been married, you have a child and it is a male child. Men want cute little girls that will be dad’s girls they don’t want to raise another man’s son. I was beginning to believe that love and marriage again weren’t going to be possible for me. Thank God I remember “who” I was and “whose” I was.

So I ask the question: “Do you know your value?” You are valuable and precious! Any man who doesn’t know that, you should leave alone.

A “jewel” is a precious stone or a very pleasing and valued person or thing. Those who see it beholds its beauty and are delighted simply by being in its presence. Most exquisite and rare of any other jewels is the diamond. Diamonds are worth more than ruby or sapphire. A diamond is indestructible. A diamond does not declare its value in a flashy way it subtly reveals its beauty.

Most people treasure their diamonds and keep them locked in jewelry boxes or a security box because they want to protect and guard it because it is rare. Rare – not easily found; uncommon; excellent. Rare jewels are things or people who are valued because they are good, excellent and are of great beauty. A diamond doesn’t have to be flashy to be breathtakingly beautiful.

I want to tell you that you are a diamond! You are one of a kind, there is no one like you! You are precious in the creator’s sight and He values you! You are to be treasured so don’t accept less than you deserve. It is time to stop allowing others to dictate your value and worth!

Many of us are diamonds in the rough. If you need help to shine brighter and more radiantly. I am here to help you transform into that brilliant diamond! Are you talented and successful but need help with those things that are a mess on the inside? It is time to get real with ourselves and do the necessary work to be that brilliant diamond. Keep working on yourself as you prepare to become an amazing wife.

If you want to master how to be an amazing wife and ensure greater success in your marriage, go to my website and sign- up for a free wife mastery call. www.thewifeuniversity.com

Wishing you peace and love,

The Wife Coach

Apple just released the iPhone 8 and iPhone 8 plus on September 22. Every time we turn around Apple is releasing a new better version phone. But we keep investing in new ones every time they release a new phone. The new phones are described as “improving on everything we love about iPhone with overhauled internals and a tweaked design”. These phones are not cheap. The iPhone 8 starts at $699 and goes up to $849; the iPhone 8 Plus starts at $799 and goes up to $949. Wow!

Of course, the release of the new iPhone launched a myriad of questions in my mind as The Wife Coach. How much are we as women in investing in upgrading ourselves? Are we content with being average? Being an average wife? Are we not booed up because average women are a dime a dozen? Always the bridesmaid and never the bride because I haven’t invested in upgrading myself? He is not going to put a ring on it unless you are something special.

It is time to get rid of the anger. It is time to stop settling for men you know that are not good for you. It is time to come out of depression. It is time to work on your inner beauty as much as your outer beauty. It is time to work on those self-esteem issues.

What if you already a wife? You might be a wife but are you an amazing wife? It is time to up your cooking game. Take a real interest in his interest. If he is into football, start learning about the game. Put his favorite jersey on and watch the game with him. Do you know what his needs are and deliver them before it is even expected? Do you know how to make him feel like a man?

We have to invest in ourselves. We have to always be improving and growing. You have to do more to go from average to amazing. It is time to go to the next level in your development. This only happens when you upgrade your level of thinking and do the work to make the changes in yourself. It is time to “overhaul your internals and tweak your design”. Invest in yourself and increase your value. It is time to upgrade!

As the Wife Coach, I am here to support you. I can help you prepare for marriage and get to the next level to be an amazing wife.

With all the love my heart can hold,

The Wife Coach

Forgiveness is an essential component of successful romantic relationships. In fact, the capacity to seek and grant forgiveness is one of the most significant factors contributing to marital satisfaction and a lifetime of love.

Often times we think forgiveness is warm and fuzzy. Honestly, it can be quite painful when it involves someone you love. But if we don’t forgive we are tormented by the pain, anger, bitterness and resentment. Unchecked feelings will become emotionally, mentally, verbally and physically detrimental to your being.  When we let go of wrongs we free ourselves from being taken over by these murderous feelings.

Forgiving others is about being willing to acknowledge that you are capable of being wounded. It also means that you are willing to step out from the role of victim and take charge of your life.

Forgiveness means renouncing the anger and resentment. It doesn’t mean excusing the offense but the penalty of the offense. It is like offering a pardon. Forgiveness is a choice.

Forgiveness is about choosing to live a life wherein others don’t have power over you and you’re not dominated by unresolved bitterness. It’s important to understand that forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. While forgiveness may help others, it first and foremost can help you. Forgiving someone is one way of letting go so that you can heal, move forward and feel alive again.

Sincerely,

The Wife Coach